How to strike the balance between modernization and parenting

STRIKING THE BALANCE BETWEEN MODERNIZATION AND PARENTING Suzan a young ambitious lady got a job in one of the leading new generational banks, as expected, she worked long hours leaving the care of her 14months old son in the hand of her husband who is a mini musical studio owner/producer. Jerry finds it difficult to combine his duty as a man and that of a mother. Soon, they resort to dumping the boy with his maternal grandparents in the village. Before the seventies, there was a popular saying among the menfolk in Nigeria that the place of a woman is in the home. It was never envisaged that a woman could ever abandon the home to work elsewhere - thanks to girl's child education. Today, there is no profession without a good dose of women. Be it in the factory, classroom or banks the women work pari-passu with the menfolk. Evidence abounds to show that the modern women have achieved a tremendous success in all fronts. Having excelled - in all fields of human endeavour, the modern women now form an important part of today's labour force. Women have become co-breadwinners in most families and as co-breadwinners, they now have to work long hours outside the family. The garb of housewife has been done way with. Both husband and wife hurry off in the morning to get to the office on time, just as the children make their way to school. For most part of the day, the children are left on their own at home, with the house-help to look up to, for their lunch. Most women prepare the soup and store it in the freezer for the house-help to warm enough for the children. This method of preparing and stockpiling food may have taken care of the feeding, but other areas of care cannot be provided that way. Controlling what the children do, which is an important aspect of socialization, is now left in the hands of house-help, who is also an adolescent. Parental interaction with the children is thus restricted to late, evenings. Children, have attended lessons after school hours are so worn out that they soon go to bed before the parents get home. Even when the parents come home early, they are too tired even to chat with the children. Some parents even make the mistake of bringing unfinished work home, from the office. Any little time left 4 the children is again taken up by office work. Some house-helps even exert negative influence on, the children. These children spend the rest of the day playing and watching films. These films, more often than not - are vulgar films that should normally be reserve for adult viewing. Some go to viewing centres, these centres are breeding spots for drug addiction, sexual promiscuity, drunkenness and other variations of delinquence. There is nobody to monitor the movement and activities of these children. All ramifications of juvenile delinquency which include drug addiction, cult activities, sex-related crimes and truancy are all a direct fall-out of the changing role of women. Peer group influence on a child in his formative years, could alter his personality considerably. More often than not, they take their role models from among the peer group. Sometimes, their models are some stars in violent films. Children love tough actors and they want to imitate them. Is it any wonder then, the increase in violent crime rate among the youths? The mother is no more there to ensure that the child did his assignments or to go through his academic work. Where as family income is much improved by the wife changing her role from house wife to a co-breadwinner, the socialization of children is greatly hampered. The damage done in this' regard is, sometimes irreparable. Some mothers in a mistaken attempt to make it up to the children, now make money available to them on demand. What she does not realize is that she is inadvertently, financing illicit activities of the youths, who are the leaders of tomorrow are thus encouraged to go astray to the detriment of the family and society at large. If mothers were at home to guide and monitor the activities of these children, cult activities and incidence of dropping out of school - may have been in the decline. Perhaps what is desired here is re-educate parents on the importance of home train for children. Parents should relax their pursuit of wealth give more time to their children. Parental guidance is indispensable part of child training. There would be less cultists among our youths, if mothers could give a little more time to monitor and control the youths before they become uncontrollable. Furthermore, the wife is now economically independent of the husband. In some cases, the wife may even be bettter placed than the husband. In some families this is one source of friction. Equality of sex and women liberation are therefore a by-product of education and industrialization which have given an unlimited opportunity to women for advancement on the social ladder. Some men find it hard to swallow the idea having the woman enjoy so much independence. This has led to homes breaking up. Apart from the economical empowerment, working long hours in the office have exposed many women to sexual harassment many resulting in extra marital affairs. Infidelity is in the increase and it accounts to a high percentage of divorce and separation rate. Education has given the women a high degree of self confidence and they are no longer the suave, naive respectable wife they used to be in traditional societies. Today, education has opened the eyes of the women. There are many things she can no longer accept as the norm, just because the man said so. This explains the higher divorce rates among the educated women. This is not to imply that every educated woman is not subject to the husband. Most educated and matured couples see marriage as a social contract between two equals, with mutual respect for each other. Where this mutual respect is lacking, the man still sees the wife as a piece of property in the house and the wife see the husband as a chauvinist and in oppressor. This sets the stage for an unstable marriage and a possible broken home. This situation is more prevalent among young couples. The older couples try to strike a balance between the modern, educated family and the traditional family. Although the family's purchasing power is enhanced by both husband and wife working, the adverse effect on the stability of the family has negated any advantages so derived. Proponents of the traditional house wife role are quick to point to this in support of their view that the place of the woman is in the kitchen. However, in order to strike the balance between modernization and parenting, married women should relinguish office work for unmarried ladies and embrace enterpreneurial skills. As this will help reduce unemployment, curb sexual harrassment and also afford the woman the opportunity to play her role as a wife and mother.